Losing a child is a heart-wrenching experience that no parent should ever have to endure. As I held Deborah’s hand and witnessed her take her last breath, I felt both sorrow and relief. My beautiful daughter, a whirlwind of life and energy, was gone, and along with her, the pain she had been enduring. Every day since her passing has been an emotional struggle, but today—her anniversary—feels especially unbearable. Despite the fact that one of my children is no longer with me, I will always be a mother of three. My heart also aches for my grandchildren, Hugo and Eloise, who are left without their mother. It’s an agonizing reality that they can no longer send her a card, gift, or feel her warm embrace.
Deborah’s Battle with Cancer
Deborah’s fight against cancer began in 2016 when she was diagnosed with bowel cancer at the age of 35. At the time, she had two young children, ages 9 and 7. Deborah was a healthy, active woman, not someone you would expect to be facing such a cruel diagnosis. Despite her healthy habits—she didn’t smoke or eat meat—she started experiencing symptoms like unexplained weight loss, tiredness, and bloody stools. Initially, doctors attributed these issues to stress or IBS, but the truth was far worse. The diagnosis was devastating. By the time the cancer was discovered, it was already in its fourth stage, which made it more difficult to process. I thought she would undergo surgery and chemotherapy, and everything would go back to normal. But Deborah was resilient, and even more so, determined to fight back.
A Legacy of Advocacy and Awareness
Throughout her battle, Deborah did more than focus on her own health—she wanted to raise awareness about cancer. Her desire to educate others about the importance of early detection and recognizing symptoms was evident. Deborah’s mission was to ensure that no one else would have to experience what she went through. She started writing a column for The Sun and launched her blog, Bowelbabe, to openly discuss her journey and the struggles faced by others with cancer. Deborah also co-hosted the podcast You, Me, and the Big C, where she continued to push for greater awareness. In her final weeks, she dedicated herself to setting up the Bowelbabe Fund, a campaign that continues to help fund cancer research and advance treatment options. Her work in these areas has already saved lives and will continue to do so.
Life Lessons from Deborah’s Courage
In addition to her advocacy work, Deborah’s greatest gift was the advice she gave on living life to the fullest. Despite her illness, she never lost her sense of passion, energy, or joy. She told her children, Hugo and Eloise, to embrace life and live it well, as you never know when it will come to an end. Deborah’s words of wisdom resonated with me deeply, and I try to follow her example in my own life now. I’m learning to embrace the present moment and cherish every experience. While I used to save the best things for holidays or special occasions, Deborah would dress up and enjoy her favorite things without waiting for the “perfect moment.” Now, I try to do the same. I wear sparkly earrings, dress up for no reason, and allow myself to enjoy the simple pleasures that life offers.
Facing Grief and Moving Forward
The final months of Deborah’s life were filled with both sorrow and love. As her condition worsened, I moved her in with us. We spent seven weeks together, and despite her suffering, we shared beautiful moments—movie nights, an impromptu engagement party for her brother Ben, and even a visit from Prince William after Deborah was honored as a dame. These moments of joy amidst the sadness are memories I will cherish forever. The last days were difficult, and I hated not being able to alleviate her pain, but I promised her I would be there for her children, and I held her hand as she passed away.
After her death, I was overwhelmed by grief and a constant sense of urgency to help Deborah’s family. In the year following her passing, I didn’t fully process my own emotions; I kept busy, trying to distract myself. But when the anniversary of her death arrived, I was struck by intense panic attacks, and the weight of everything I had been avoiding became too much to bear. It was then that I sought help and began to deal with my grief. Although the pain is still very much with me, there are moments of light, such as celebrating my son Ben’s upcoming wedding and remembering Deborah on what would have been her 40th birthday.
While Deborah is no longer with us, her spirit and her legacy continue to live on through her family and the work she did in raising awareness and funds for cancer research. Her life, her work, and her wisdom have left an indelible mark on the world.
